"Reasonable Doubt

By Jeff Owenby

A criminal lawyer making his closing arguments to a jury might use the term “reasonable doubt.” If there's a shred of belief, or a nagging question about guilt, or innocence, then there exists such a doubt. If you’ve never really believed in God, or any of the stories you’ve heard, but there is yet a tiny weak spot in your beliefs, then you’re no doubt being called by the Holy Spirit. It is He—The Holy Spirit—who provides the unbeliever with “reasonable doubt” in his own belief system.

I had my own courtroom; I remember the day I sat in a church learning about how Jesus calmed a storm. At the time I didn't know Jesus; I knew of him, but I didn’t truly know him. As I sat listening I knew I'd heard the same message preached in churches before: "We will be united with Jesus, and meet him in the air. Our bodies will be resurrected and we will have eternal life in Heaven." I first took this as pure fairy tale; the world had made me a very hard man, and I didn't believe in fairy tales or what sounded like science fiction. Our “spirits meeting Jesus in the air” didn't sound like a normal or even believable event. Why? Because there was no proof in any of this; or so I thought.

I married into a Christian family, but didn’t want anything to do with religion. When I met my wife she was in a state of backsliding, and lived the same sinful life I was living. I loved my in-laws truly, but I didn’t want their lifestyle at all. Religion radically interfered with my agenda therefore I had no room for it.

My childhood upbringing was difficult; our family moved from house-to-house every year, and I attended a different school each time. I had no lasting relationships, and my father was an alcoholic which was the cause of our many moves. God was never really a part of our household; I was in my twenties before I realized that Easter wasn’t about a bunny. I knew absolutely nothing about God or the Bible. All of this trickled upward into my adult life, and I no faith whatsoever.

I had a very successful career in advertising. I started at the very bottom, but was eventually promoted to executive. I was able to buy a house and live fairly comfortably. My wife and I dreamed of moving to a small town called Troutdale near the beautiful Sandy River. We’d both worked hard to be able to buy our own house there, and once we’d settled into our new home we were very happy.

I shrugged off God thinking there was plenty of time. “Maybe later,” I told myself. “If I accept God into my heart, my entire life as I know it has to stop. There’ll be nothing to look forward to!” These were the lies I told myself. I had a weakness for sin. Whenever my in-laws visited, they left copies of Our Daily Bread for us to read. I was irritated by the fact that they did this. Not once did I ever read one, and they usually became convenient coasters for my beer cans.

Then one day the bottom fell out: My company—a major U.S. retail chain—closed its doors. The department was dissolved and relocated to L.A. I was not only out of a job, but out of a career. Because of this and other future job failures, I finally ended up losing just about everything. I had other jobs, but couldn’t manage to make anything work.

I’ve also been an alcoholic since my early twenties. The drinking only got worse. Eventually we lost our house, and were forced to leave the city we so loved. As for myself, I lost my confidence, my peace and was forced to move into a 300 square foot studio apartment. That tiny studio was in a not-so-pleasant neighborhood where drugs were widespread, and break-ins happened quite often. At this point I’d entered into a depression that was almost overpowering.

One day, while visiting our in-laws, we went with them to church on a Sunday morning. While listening to a sermon on the book of Mark, the Holy Spirit struck my heart. I’d heard this preaching before; the message wasn’t new to me at all, and I’d heard in other sermons about Jesus as he calmed a storm. The question that Jesus had for his disciples in the boat was the question the pastor emphasized: “Why are you so afraid?” From that day forward, I had an overwhelming desire to seek Christ. I became a Christian and gave my heart to Jesus about two weeks later. I never regretted a single minute of my Christian walk, but instead wonder why it took me so long to want to come to him.

Belief in Jesus Christ doesn't come because somebody talks us into it; belief—true belief—comes when we realize, or even suspect that He is real. This is the complete work of The Holy Spirit. If there's a shred of belief that some or part of this could be true, you're being called by the Holy Spirit.

Belief doesn't come from opening a Bible, attending church, and praying to God. It's the indwelling Holy Spirit that draws us into belief. Look at what Jesus tells us in John 14:6: Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

I wasted my life in booze, denial, and sin. Then came my fall. Desperately I came to my father and he forgave me. I realized that everything I lost were just material things; none of it really mattered anymore. As I put my faith in Jesus Christ, he blessed me with his gift of eternal life. As my wife and I lived in that small studio apartment, the owners sold the property and we were forced to move.

We searched all over, but all the apartments had up to two, or three-year wait lists. Then one day we got a call from a leasing office. They said some prospective tenants didn’t show up to sign a lease, and they asked if we were still interested. Yes we were still interested! God provided. He gave us a sign-on bonus as well: that apartment had three things the others in the area (and for the same price) didn’t have: a washer, dryer, and a wood burning fireplace.

God was not through giving to us yet. That apartment was located in the city of Troutdale! He brought us home again. I am a living testimony to what Christ promises in his Holy Word. Thanks to God’s infinite grace and mercy I’ve been clean and sober and smoke free for sixteen and a half years.

In closing I’d like to give you two words: belief and relief. As I mentioned earlier, belief doesn't come from opening a Bible, attending church, and praying to God. But relief comes from opening a Bible, attending church, and praying to God. Allow the Holy Spirit into your heart to do his perfect work. You will not regret it.

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